Today I am writing the first post in 5 months since Bella passed...not because I haven't wanted to but because I just couldn't
Today I admit that I haven't been able to process the emotions of it all...if you have talked to me in the past 5 months I have probably told you other wise
Today I admit that I have ran...ran from the sadness ,ran from the memories, ran from the pity, ran from the little and big ways it has changed our life forever. Today I must start to learn how to deal with these things
Today I just miss her...Today is Sunday and Sundays were always our day. It was the day that I could go to the hospital and be with her without the demands of the outside world
Today I question what we are really doing with our life that is truly a testament to her life and all that she has taught us...
Today I think back to around this time last year when she was starting to come off of the ventilator, I think of those moments when she breathed on her own and how precious each breath was
Today I acknowledge that somewhere there is someone who suffers more than I and that my situation could always be worse..I know that if I could start to help others, it would in turn help me
Today I crave the touch of her skin, to cradle her in my arms and to have her little fingers clasped around mine. I want to share a song, a book and some sunshine with her today
Today I wish that others that I love could see the hands of God working in their own life and many of their own miracles unfolding before them. I wish that I could help them see how precious each minute of each day is
Today I just wish that I could slow the world down a little...I struggle to keep up these days because I just don't see the need to speed ahead
Today I am so incredibly thankful for the grace of God and knowing that He feels my pain right now
Today I need to feel, I need to talk, I need to process... I know that if I don't do these things they creep into my subconscious with flashbacks and nightmares
Today I will allow myself to grieve...today I will force others to allow me to grieve
Today I know will not be the same as tomorrow or yesterday...new emotions and scenarios surface every day that I find myself trying to adjust to
Today is that day that every thing can change...thru prayer and God's guidance I can take all of this and use it for the better, I can start today
