Wednesday, March 9, 2011

And we return....

We returned to Nashville on Sunday evening after spending a full week at a beach house in Laguna Beach, Florida. We are blessed to say that we found some peace in removing ourselves from life as we knew it but even more blessed to report that we also found great clarity to life in general. We had sunshine filled days of doing nothing but playing and just being together. We learned to just be. And with all of the great beauty that we witnessed we also learned that nothing is or was as beautiful as Bella's smiles or her physical presence on this Earth. With that we are left with the question, not why did God take her from us BUT why did He bless us with her for those 9 amazing months? And what can we do with our life from here forward to be witnesses for the many miracles we were blessed with during that time? What can we do that will ever be as rewarding or fulfilling as she was to us? How do we move forward exercising the many, many lessons we learned from her life and her death? We have a few ideas, some definite goals but mostly we know that we just have to turn our life over to the Lord. Fully and completely, trusting that He will lead us each and every day. We also know that these answers are not going to come over night. They are not going to come from a trip to the beach. They are not going to come in returning to life as we knew it. They will come as the healing continues, as we devote time to prayer and meditation and as we learn to trust completely. The answers will come when we have balanced our bodies, minds and spirits.

The strength we have found is not our own. If all I had to depend on was myself during this time then I would not get out of bed in the mornings. I would still be experiencing the gut wrenching, heart breaking physical pain of not having her here with me. I know this because I was there following the funeral. For a few days I shut out God, family and friends. I went to the loneliest, darkest place I have ever been in my life. I saw life without spirituality, without appreciation for loved ones. It is a place I do not wish to ever go to again in my life. It was not myself that pulled me from this place. I did not or do not have the strength for that. It was the Lord that did not leave me, nor forsake me even in the darkest moments. It was the genuine kindness and love of family and friends that pulled me from the darkness of self loathing and self pity. So again we thank you all for lifting us in prayer when we did not have the strength to do so ourselves, for the overwhelming gestures of kindness and love that you have given us. Mostly we thank you for loving Bella and letting her be a part of your life.

There are still good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. There are limitations for what I can handle in life right now. There are situations in which I choose not to put myself in because I don't trust my emotions. The hustle and bustle of life around us seems overwhelming at times. There are moments of guilt in moving forward without her. There is and probably always will be a craving to touch her, see her, smell her. There are moments when I close my eyes and picture every fold of her skin, every scar, every detail of her face just because I am scared of one day not being able to remember those things. But mostly there is hope. Hope that there is life ahead that will always be a testimony to the beauty of Bella...

We love you all. We thank you all. We ask that you allow us to pray for you as well. Please let our family know of any prayer requests that you may have or know of.

Much love to all


  1. I'm so glad you're back, and you're healing. I'm betting Miss B is awfully proud of you guys!

  2. Ditto to Mollie's comment. I also think you are wise to consider your limitations right now and give yourself some grace. We're still thinking about you guys!

  3. God is so good and He is blessing you everyday. I am so glad you are back home and begining the healing process with our Lord and Saviour . He will bless you more and more each day as he has in the past as well as the future. Allow yourself this time to take it one moment at a time. He will forever be with you all. Bella will forever be with you all and in our hearts forever.. Believe me sweetie you will never forget the touches, smiles, smells, good times with sweet Arabella. She will forever be watching over her family here till we all meet again in that new home with our new bodies called Heaven. I pray you found peace and comfort at the ocean. To me the Ocean is the closest place to God. It is where you see no ending but only the Heavens kissing the waters here on Earth and sending the sparkling of the angels across the waves. It has been a place of healing for me as well. Bella is a true testimony to miracles and of teaching the way of the Lord. She touched so so many lives. She changed so many as well. We all could see the beauty of life and of heaven through her and we still can and always will feel her amazing presence around us and within us. She is a testimony of love, faith, kindness, and strength. We thank you Arabella Ann for that and we thank you Telisha, Chris and Dylan for sharing such an amazing little angel with us all for the past 9 months physically and for the rest of our lives spiritually . God bless all of you and God bless Arabella as she continues her journey with our Father in Heaven. God bless the little children.