This blog shall continue as Bella will be in our lives and hearts forever. It shall ever be a reminder to me of the many ways she impacted this world in just 9 months and how we are better people for knowing her.
But tonight as many times before it serves as my therapy. I am lost. Simply put, just lost. I try to pray. I try to find comfort in knowing that she is in a better place. I try to visualize our grandmothers and my Aunt Daisy holding her tight in heaven. I try to be grateful for the 9 months that we were not suppose to have. I try all of these things but it still feels as if my heart is broken in half and I am completely falling apart. The longing to hold her, the longing to get a Bella smile, the longing to take care of her are all too strong to find peace. I know that it will come, I know that this is part of the process. I just never knew that it was humanly possible to hurt this much. Yesterday I should have been planning a way to celebrate her 9 month birthday, instead I was planning her funeral. I always said that I would just be grateful for the time that we had if God decided it was not meant for her to remain. I am grateful but I am also selfish. I want more. I want to hold her again. I want to have her here on this earth with me, I am her mother and I want to take care of her. I just want my baby. I am not bitter or angry, I just want her with all of my being.
I really hope that the strength comes over the next few days before her service on Monday. I want to fully celebrate her life and her time on this earth but in order to really do that I have to let go of some of the pain of losing her. I wish I had this inspirational story this evening of how I have found peace in her passing. That is not my story for now. So once again I ask for you to carry me in your prayers. I ask that somehow the words come from my heart to ask for the peace that the Lord has surrounded me with this whole time. And once again I thank you....
Much love to you all
Telisha
May you be surrounded by all of God's love right now. You, Chris, and Dylan are so in our family's prayers. We cry many tears for you and Bella. Keep imagining her in the care of your loved ones.
ReplyDeleteDear Telisha, My heart breaks for you as well. I know there is such a feeling of loss and emptiness when a mother loses a child. I know this well for I too went through it. Words of wisdom I wish I could magically give you to ease your pain. But it is a process that has to be gone through. But I can tell you it will get better as time goes by . By giving it to God, asking for the strength and support only he can give will see you through. Bella is now with her grandmother and auntie and all the others who have gone on before to the most beautiful place. Where all is peace and love, laughter and smiles and the most beautiful of heavenly songs rise to be heard and comfort ones soul. I pray God continues to wrap his loving and most powerful arms around you and your family , give you the strength you will need and fill your heart once again with joy and happiness but most of all comfort in knowing that Bella's impact on this old world was Magnificent! She brought light , where there was darkness, She brought joy where there was sadness, She brought strength to many that were weak. Tiny as she was when she came into this world , the magnitude of the impact she had is so wonderful. She gave hope, faith, love, patience , joy, comfort, strength, and acceptance that it is His will to be done not ours. I pray so hard that you too will find it even sooner than I did. Once you reach this , then you be able to celebrate the time with Bella even more so. But yes getting to that point will take time. But please please know everyone out here are there for you to talk to, lean on and even cry with. So my dear sweet Telisha you continue this blog as Bella will live on forever and always with us all and we will always be praying for you and your family. She is a little angel that came to earth for too short of a time to teach many to love like they have never loved before. She is his solider that fought the battle , not just the one we saw of sickness and healing of the body but the one of sickness and healing of all who had the most blessed opportunity to get to know her. Of their hearts and soul and faith. So she won the battle that God had sent her to fight for him. And now we are all more blessed through her. So thank you Arabella Ann Cobb for allowing each and every person to know you ,rather through the blog, pictures or personally . God Bless you sweet Arabella . We love you today , Tomorrow, Forever and Always. God Bless your family Telisha and God Bless the Little Children.
ReplyDeleteTelisha, I wish I knew the words to say. I have prayed for you constantly over the past several months, but with a renewed earnestness the past couple of days. Nobody expects you to be ready to share the story as one of peace just yet. It may be a long time before you can. I know we aren't close, but I have followed Bella's life very closely and I feel as though you and I have somehow grown closer because of it. I'm not going to tell you all the things you already know, but I want to make sure you allow yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself to cry, to be angry at times, to want her back with all of your being. Allow these feelings, Telisha. They are all the right feelings to have. God is in full control and He won't EVER turn his back on you no matter how much you may feel like doing it to Him. I will continue to read your blog every time you update it, and I will continue to pray for you. Much love,
ReplyDeleteAudrey
Dear sweet Telisha, Chris and Dylan, I'm sure you don't remember me, but I met you in Nashville last spring when I was in Nashville for ankle surgery. I am Martha Hooper's sister. I have been following your blog and praying for you daily. I know that your hearts are broken and that you must be feeling very lost. I am praying that a peace that passes all understanding will come to you soon from HIM. Just think how Bella was welcomed into heaven with many open arms to those who already knew her. I am sure that she went with eyes wide open , full of smiles, wiggling her perfect body. She has probably been hugged and kissed by all. I feel certain that my sweet father was standing there waiting his turn . Peace and love to you all for this continued journey. Angels around you. Rachel
ReplyDeleteI have been crying all weekend and wondering why this could happen no matter what wise answer you know is there or to be learned. I was shocked to hear that Bella had left us. I was not expecting that even knowing the recent struggles she was facing. I just knew she would make it, wanted her to make it,
ReplyDeleteprayed that she would make it. I try to know how you must feel, but I stop and know that your pain is too deep and intense for me to imagine. I do know that you have an inner strength and beauty that will see you through this time and help you bring your family through this too. The love you have for each other and the love you share with many friends and family will see you through. Draw strength in knowing that you,Chris and Dylan are surrounded by prayers and God's angels. We love you, Lee Ann, Jim, Jimmy, Kris and Mac
Telisha, I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. So, so sorry. Keep feeling whatever you are feeling at the time; waves of grief, waves of peace, waves of confusion...but know that you are not alone, and Bella will never, ever be forgotten. She made a difference in this world...thank you for sharing her with us. You, Chris, Dylan and the rest of your families will be in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Nancy
There are no words to express how sorry we are that you and your family are going through this painful time. Many prayers are being sent your way. Baby Bella will never be forgotten.
ReplyDeleteTelisha, we have never met, but I started following your blog through Mollie Sheppard, a fellow preemie-mom friend of mine. I have been praying for Bella and your family since that time. I am heartbroken to hear the news of Bella's passing. I am so very sorry you have to experience such a tremendous loss in this earthly life. Your life is forever impacted by Bella, and changed by these experiences over the past 9 months with her. Whatever you are feeling now, it is ok- God understands- He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)... And He will heal your wounds (Psalm 147:3). I pray God gives you peace, comfort, strength, and guidance as you begin this next part of your journey. Thank you for being so transparent with your thoughts and faith. Thank you for sharing Bella.
ReplyDeleteThinking and praying for you,
Bekah Gannon
I am so sorry for your loss. I saw you that night, but no words could express the sorrow and hurt i felt for you. Princess Bella is exactly that, a princess. She was a rockstar here with us, and you know shes rockin' it up in Heaven. Princess Bella will never be forgotten. Rock on Princess!!
ReplyDeleteJonathan